A song about my father and aunts joint funeral and all the pain and anger going on in my head. It led me to watching our family videos and just crying my eyes out the week after trying to navigate the waves in a sea of emotions.
lyrics
Wiped away my tears and I sipped a little coffee
waiting in a chair like the universe forgot me
wearing khaki slacks, ironed shirt
get it off me...
pictures of my dad and aunt Connie
way back in the day
now their telling old stories
bout the barn they used to play
in pain, give it time
this too shall pass away
how you died is now a story
everybody has me tell
part my lips just to speak my living hell
feeling like a shell,
just a turtle on vacation'
my misplaced anger,
used to send me to the basement
wanted to be stronger like you
so together like you
want to weather every storm
for the better like you
deep down, such a sensitive soul
cried with you on the phone just a month ago
guess you had to go
I wanted you to know
that im looking for your signs
I'll resurrect your spirit
every single time I rhyme
Black and white brownie cam photos
scrapbooks full of stories
and our relatives that wrote em
circa better times,
breathing air before pollution
cub scout to eagle,
let me show you how to do this
tied a perfect not in the noose
then left me hanging
Im going through these motions
not welcoming the changes
I dont believe in angels
or a man that creates em
and man thats gives you spirit
lets you hear it then he breaks it
breaks it like my paper heart torn into confetti
chasing hope so often
all these people call me Chevy
broken is the levy on the wall of this goddamn
Nottingham sheriff slaying peasants
kill this black lamb
understand the algreba,
aftermathmatician
Blair witch logo in the trees
fear the symbolism
everything resembles something
photographs youve taken
the devils in the details
level the foundation
your house is on fire...
People got me tripping out again
saying "sorry bout your father"
and "ill pray for you again"
im at a loss for words
like comfort is a term I don't deserve
got me striking out again
caught me swinging at the curves
on my nerves,
all these people in my business
exorcise the demons in my head,
mental fitness
to hell with my persistence
wipe my fucking world out of existence
like everything I built youve killed in minutes
divine intervention, spine broken
brain you've apprehended
cursing til my swears are left amended
bleep em out and censor every damn thing im feeling
picking scar tissue to the point im never healing
"Grooms' never die"
didnt see the warning signs
like our Grooms family videos
I yearn to press rewind
watching it unfold, back when the future was unknown
singing "Happy birthday dad!"
this is 1990's ghost